deviant confessions

what is wrong with me?!

what's with the world?! is it me?! or is it me?! i've been really down these past few days...

i miss a lot of people...

and i feel so alone...

lately i always find myself arguing with my friends at fatima... and it's all about such simple things...and i'm really thankful that they understand me...that they're still there for me even though i've becoming so annoying lately...

i don't really know why i'm becoming like this..all i know is that i'm longing for somebody...for anybody's affection right now...

and just when i feel really alone...i get to read a blogger entry of my bestfriend narrating about how they celebrated her birthday..without me knowing about it...heck i wasn't even invited... and i wasn't there to witness her first blue o experience.. well..i don't want to think that we have a gap..because i know that will never happen between the three of us..so i'm going to rationalize what just happened.. i wasn't invited because jheng was also celebrating her birthday and mikah was there and kat and leslie...and there..no explanation needed.. that's it... there's no other way around what just happened.. i just hope they're going to surprise me with them holding my jacket...harhar... anyways..i just hoped i was able to celebrate kaipottie's bday with her...but i didn't..so there...i have nothing else to say...

okei...
now i'm going to tell what i really feel...i got really really hurt...it's like a gigantic double edged-sword was just speared to my heart...i mean i could've understand it..i do have the capacity to understand things like that right? i mean why didn't anyone tell me?? i was waiting for an invitation..and there wasn't any..so i thought there wasn't any celebration...but there was...and i wasn't invited..and i understand that because it's not actually kai's celebration..it's jheng's bday celebration...so why am i this badly hurt?! because nobody told me...nobody even bothered to text me...or missed call me..maybe that's just the way it is now...maybe i'm just too far from them that they can't reach me anymore...i mean i do give an effort...i do go to ust to visit kai,,ma-in and ia...i wanted to go to arellano once but kat wasn't able to receive my text message...well i guess there's a perfect explanation to all of this...i just have to wait for them to tell me..i don't think i can approach them...kinda shy to do so...

Lord,,
i'm really lonely right now..please be with me..please be with me...i don't know what else to do to fill this emptiness...i mean i really feel the gap between me and them...but i know there isn't any gap..i'm just making things up...or maybe there is i'm just too scared to face that reality...wala ba akong effort??? ako ba ang may kasalanan kung bakit ganito?? they have work and i have my studies..and i know they're all busy...there were times that i wanted to call them but can't cos i know they're at work...and i just hope that they will talk to me soon..and surprise me with my jacket..harhar.. kidding..i just want them to surpise me..maybe at my school..or something like that..

ouch..ouch...ouch...='c

Pondered |10:31 AM|

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