deviations

2007-02-01T07:09:00.000-08:00

from the start i never really liked him... but then you love him... so i tried to get along ...and yes we did get along..but still didn't like him...
and i got really strong about what i feel when you caught him cheating... and never really got to forgive him...and i can't understand why you took him back...why still love him? but finally i saw the light... yes you really do love him... and no matter what other people or what i say you will not love him less... so i really felt bad for being called your bestfriend and not be able to understand and support you... i'm sorry... from now on you can count on me...iloveyou kai and i'm sorry...

2007-01-02T18:16:00.000-08:00

Finally!!!
yeyey!!! my dad finally allowed me to go to la union...i went to la union with ia, alvin, joella and ate mohini!! woohoow!!! it was so much fun!! i love soaking up the sun...so now i'm really dark... we left manila at around 11pm Dec 28 and...arrived at la union around 5am...and since then i stayed all day on the beach...ia and alvin took a nap...at around 2pm we went to this place where the waves are easier to ride..i was able to ride a 4feet wave using a boogie board..ehehe..loved it...i got wiped out though..but still loving it..harhar...the next day we went there again and tried surfing all day..but damn...i can't even stand up..harhar..whataloser..hehe..anyways i'll try posting our pictures here...till next time..

2006-11-01T06:44:00.000-08:00

They're Back

Ia and alvin came back from paradise this morning..and damn i'm so envious...they brought my skimboard..and it was awesome...but it would be the greatest if i was able to ride it..but because my dad didn't allow me to go to la union i wasn't able to give it a test ride...argh!!!!!

2006-10-27T06:35:00.000-07:00

WHY?!

honestly i really can't understand why my dad won't allow me to go to La union with Ia...i mean there's nothing to worry about..he's excuse for not allowing me to go is that i'm a student and i should focus on studying..hello?!?!?!?! sembreak!!!!!! argh!!! i know how serious dentistry is that's why while still in pre-dent i'm doing all the things i want to do because when proper comes i won't be able to do anything but study...now i really can't do anything...and what's with the we don't know those people..ofcourse there will always be strangers in the world but how am i going to be able to know them if he does'nt give me a chance...anyways there's nothing i can do but follow orders..just hope i won't lose interest in studying............okei i will study because i want to be a great dentist and not because i want to impress him so that he will let me do all the things i want to do...just really can't get it...i mean i don't smoke and i only drink cocktails..i hate beers..i don't get drunk..and i know what's right and what's not...argh!!! i hate this..i really really want to go......but can't...

2006-10-25T06:37:00.000-07:00

GRADES
arggh!!!
what happened?!
i'm a computer literate...
but why have a 2 as a grade?!?!?!

GRADES
Computer 2 this sucks!!!
Anatomy and Physiology 1.5
Health Care 1.75
Logic 1.5
General Sociology 1.5
Statistics 1.5
P.E. 1.25

huwaaah!!! i hate this!!! nyarr!!!

2006-10-10T22:41:00.000-07:00

Wish List

1. Skimboard
2. boardshorts
3. surfboard
4. harness
5. hiking shoes
6. laptop
7. digi cam
8. cellphone

2006-10-10T22:34:00.000-07:00

Exams

hmm..evaluating my performance for my final exams..i would say i sucked..i sucked big time!!! argh!! ana physio was so hard for me..and yet i was the first one to finish..and same goes with all the other exams..i just hope i did well..coz i really couldn't afford to have a grade lower than 1.75 or my dad woulld just hang me..

2006-10-04T02:01:00.000-07:00

f*cking health care

damn!! i am so pissed off with my teacher in health care... i got zeros for 3 quizzes...and that's because she returned the quizzes without recording it..damn!!! i don't keep those trash...it will just clutter my bag!! argh!! i hate her guts!!!! damn her soul!!!

2006-10-01T21:54:00.000-07:00

wonderful day at the inet cafe

i'm waiting for my class to start since i'm early here at school...i decided to blog while waiting..and all the internet cafe was full..luckily i found one that isn't... and i think luck is on my side today because our crush is here at the same cafe that i am now...and he's holding a guitar...he's so damn cute..argh!!! he's smile makes me all tingly...hehehe....anyways he's gone now..i hope we could be friends..and then maybe..just maybe.........

2006-10-01T21:49:00.000-07:00

MoPod

i was listening to Mo twister's show from 6-9am and Mo just announced that he will be giving away an Ipod everyday..i was so thrilled about it...and i think all that i need to do to win an Ipod is to kiss mo's ass..ass kissing is really not a talent of mine..in fact i think i suck in ass kissing..but i'm so determined that i will practice my english speaking skill and my ass kissing skill...i hope my friends would support me and speak to me in english without getting irritated...woohoow!!looking forward for tomorrow...yeyey!!!

2006-09-29T00:56:00.000-07:00

typhoon milenyo

argh!!! because of milenyo we don't have electricity and worse of all powerup pasig was destroyed...not totally...but now it doesn't have a roof... argh..just when i started to climb again...anyways it will be temporarily closed and we can only climb at powerup tandang sora which far from our house...and it would be a real hassle to go there to climb...but then i think i need to climb so there so that my membership won't go to waste....

2006-09-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

climbing
i miss climbing with ia...that's why i was so happy when we went climbing a while ago...yeyey!!! me,,ia and albin...climbed...ia got really braver and stronger than before...and i'm so proud of her right now...go ia go!!harhar...iloveyouia!!

2006-09-27T10:51:00.000-07:00

explanation
okei..i just talked to katpottie and they did try to contact me.. i just don't know what's wrong with sun,,but i wasn't able to receive any message from them...so there...done...

2006-09-26T10:31:00.001-07:00

what is wrong with me?!

what's with the world?! is it me?! or is it me?! i've been really down these past few days...

i miss a lot of people...

and i feel so alone...

lately i always find myself arguing with my friends at fatima... and it's all about such simple things...and i'm really thankful that they understand me...that they're still there for me even though i've becoming so annoying lately...

i don't really know why i'm becoming like this..all i know is that i'm longing for somebody...for anybody's affection right now...

and just when i feel really alone...i get to read a blogger entry of my bestfriend narrating about how they celebrated her birthday..without me knowing about it...heck i wasn't even invited... and i wasn't there to witness her first blue o experience.. well..i don't want to think that we have a gap..because i know that will never happen between the three of us..so i'm going to rationalize what just happened.. i wasn't invited because jheng was also celebrating her birthday and mikah was there and kat and leslie...and there..no explanation needed.. that's it... there's no other way around what just happened.. i just hope they're going to surprise me with them holding my jacket...harhar... anyways..i just hoped i was able to celebrate kaipottie's bday with her...but i didn't..so there...i have nothing else to say...

okei...
now i'm going to tell what i really feel...i got really really hurt...it's like a gigantic double edged-sword was just speared to my heart...i mean i could've understand it..i do have the capacity to understand things like that right? i mean why didn't anyone tell me?? i was waiting for an invitation..and there wasn't any..so i thought there wasn't any celebration...but there was...and i wasn't invited..and i understand that because it's not actually kai's celebration..it's jheng's bday celebration...so why am i this badly hurt?! because nobody told me...nobody even bothered to text me...or missed call me..maybe that's just the way it is now...maybe i'm just too far from them that they can't reach me anymore...i mean i do give an effort...i do go to ust to visit kai,,ma-in and ia...i wanted to go to arellano once but kat wasn't able to receive my text message...well i guess there's a perfect explanation to all of this...i just have to wait for them to tell me..i don't think i can approach them...kinda shy to do so...

Lord,,
i'm really lonely right now..please be with me..please be with me...i don't know what else to do to fill this emptiness...i mean i really feel the gap between me and them...but i know there isn't any gap..i'm just making things up...or maybe there is i'm just too scared to face that reality...wala ba akong effort??? ako ba ang may kasalanan kung bakit ganito?? they have work and i have my studies..and i know they're all busy...there were times that i wanted to call them but can't cos i know they're at work...and i just hope that they will talk to me soon..and surprise me with my jacket..harhar.. kidding..i just want them to surpise me..maybe at my school..or something like that..

ouch..ouch...ouch...='c

2006-09-26T08:47:00.001-07:00

solitude

i have lots of friends and i love each and single one of them...
but i can't help but feel lonely... i don't know why i'm feeling this way..but i'm seeking for a guys love.. it's getting kind of pathetic but what the heck..that's what i think i need right now... i know it's all in the mind...i don't really know what i want right now but i think it's somebody... i want somebody who needs to hear my voice before he gets out of bed...and before he sleeps...i want to be somebody's confidant...yung tipong ako lang ung taong kaya nyang kausapin pagdating sa problema at pag emo cya...ewan ko ba..ang pathetic na nga eh...di ko lam kung ba't ganito... pero indi naman ako ngsettle sa kung ano lng meron..cyempre i still want somebody who's really serious bout me...basta gusto ko ng ishare yung love na naiipon...pero cguro God has bigger plans for me..gusto nya sobrang mature na ako bago ako pumasok sa isang relationship...cguro nga ganun..pati na rin sana ung magiging parnter ko sana mature na rin...huwaah...asan na ba kasi ung prince ko? puro frogs.. ayoko ng frogs...hay..sana makita mo an ang daan papunta sakin..harhar...

2006-09-23T18:34:00.000-07:00

My Date with Liza

we went to a gig organized by the students of UA&P at capitol 8. Ej,, liza's long time friend was the vocalist of "Kumpas". the band rocked!!! it was a real good gig but the crowd was such zombies...they're just standing there...i wanted to see some jumping and rocking but then they're all lame...and so i just stand there with them and became one of the zombies...anyways after that we went to greenbelt with Pf... he treated us to bollywood..and we ordered dakamari? something like that and shisha...and he paid it all with his gold master card...he's rich...but i felt bad because we were'nt able to thank him properly...anyways after chilling we danced at absinth...and then went home a 2...liza rocked!!!harhar..imissyouliza...

2006-09-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

tears for you...

i can't take this...i don't understand...why can't you see the beauty you posses? why can you not acknowledge the value God has given you?! i hate this... i'm sorry but i really can't take it...i hate the way he put you aside..i hate it when he becomes sensitive about himself but never thought about how you feel.. why do you let yourself suffer like this?!why can't you see the way i see you?!you're smart..i know you are...i think you're smart enough to know that you deserve better and i know you know that but you just don't want to accept that fact...because you're too afraid that you'd be left with nobody...but you shouldn't because everybody around you loves you..it's so unfair that you can't appreciate the love we're giving you... you don't need somebody to rescue you...all you need is God and yourself..but we are also here to love and fight for you...if you know you deserve someone better then let go..

2006-07-23T06:02:00.000-07:00

hmm..what's with roxyGIRL?? why do you need to ask her number from me?? nananadya ka ba? i can't figure you out..? hehe..wala lng... hmm..mejo selos ako dun ah..
hehe..weird ko noh..pero ayos lng..kc indi naman tau...achaka buddies lng naman tau...i don't know..i love you as a friend..but i like you at the same time..but i don't think i want you as a boyfriend...pero parang gusto ko..basta magulo..labo..hehe..hay naku..ewan..bakit ba ganito..? bat di nlng ba friends nlng talaga..

2006-07-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

Peter

peter..he's my buddy...he was my classmate first year first sem.. and just a month ago he started catching up with us...since her girl broke up with him... but then as we talked he told me that he was starting to fall for me...and i just don't feel the same way about him...but i cannot deny that i do love and like him...i love him as my buddy (best guyfriend) but i also like him more than that.. so it's qutie confusing.. anyways phoebe, our born again friend asked us to attend KKB fatima prayer meeting.. and when we started introducing ourselves the leader tried to guess my name...but then the name that flashed before his eyes was "peter"?! what the?! is this some kind of sign?! hehe...i don't believe in those things but i do believe that everything happens for a reason and the reason behind this coincidence? i don't know yet...

2006-07-14T05:01:00.001-07:00

aking napagtanto habang ako ay nakasakay sa ordinaryong bus...
na tama lang pala na maiwan ako dito sa kalawakang ito...
at hindi rin pala ako dinala doon ni tilapia...
matagal na akong palutang-lutang dito...
madalas pag ako ay magisa at nagmumuni-muni...
ang laging asa aking isipan ay kung ano nga ba talaga pra sakin ang pag-ibig?
simulan ko muna kung anong ibig sabihin pagbinitawan ko ang dalawang salita na "mahal kita" o tatlo "i love you"...
=mahal kita at hinding hindi kita iiwan...
=mahal kita at kahit ano pang sabihin ng iba,, aalamin ko muna ang lahat bago maniwala o hindi...
=mahal kita at isang tawag o text mo lang,,handa akong itabi ang lahat para sayo...
=mahal kita at tanggap kita kung sino ka...pero mahal din kita para samahan ka habang tinatahak mo ang napakahirap na daan ng pagbabago...
=mahal kita at magbabago ako ng kasama ka...
=mahal kita at dadamayan kita pagmasaya ka..at lalo na pagmalungkot ka...
=mahal kita at makikinig ako sa lahat ng sasabihin mo...
=mahal kita at paglalaban ko ang ating pagkakaibigan...

naisip ko...matagal na akong andito sa kalawakang ito...naghahanap ng tao na makakapagbalik sakin sa paraiso...ngunit aking napagtanto na walang sino man ang kayang gumawa nito kung hindi ako...kelangan kong matuto na bumalik magisa upang matuto akong tumayo sa sarili kong paa...sa ugali kong madaling maniwala at magtiwala kelangan kong matutunan na bumitaw sa mga pangakong di kailan may matutupad...

2006-07-12T09:42:00.000-07:00

why?
i can't shake this off..

bakit may mga taong dadalhin ka sa kalawakan...
papangakuan ka na indi mangiiwan..
pero mapalingon ka lang...
hala,, magisa ka nlng palang lumulutang...
indi ka naman makababa..
kasi umaasa ka na ang pangakong binitawan...
ay di mapapako...
pero tumirik na ang iyong mga mata sa kahihintay..
achaka mo lang mapagtatanto na...
walang babalik...
at para ka lang tangang naghihintay sa wala...
bakit ganito?
bakit may mga taong nangiiwan?
bakit may mga taong mapanlinlang?
ang saklap naman...
bakit ako pa ang napagtripan...?

2006-07-04T06:34:00.000-07:00

missing you...

here i go again...
falling for the same shit...
why do i trust people so easily?
why do i have so much faith?
i know its a good thing but according to ma-in i should be guarded for there will be people who will always be out there to hurt me...because not all people are good...

i miss my buddy..where is he?
why do i always end up with people who can't keep promises?
maybe because i myself is having a hard time keeping promises...

nakaonline si buddy ngaun...pero he's not replying to my messages...
sad..='c
and i can feel that all he's been telling me are all bullshit...
but i can't help myself...it's easier for me to believe than not to...

and again i'm in this shit hole...melancholy is taking over me...

why?
why does it have to be this way...
why do things like this happen to me..?
am i a bad person?

argh...i feel so down right now...
i hate it...
why does he have to say those things that he really didn't mean...
and why do i have to believe him?
argh...i am so naive...

i feel so sad that i want to cry my heart out..
this month has been an emotional roller coaster ride...

God...please help me...be with me...i really need you right now... well i always be needing you..but right now...i need you more than ever...help me to be strong...help me to know from what's the truth and what's lies...

2006-05-25T10:41:00.000-07:00

zambales trip

woooooooohhh!!
ang saya..!! nung una ayaw pa ako payagan ng daddy ko..buti nlng sinuportahan ako ni mama,,tin2 at arki na magdrama upang maawa si papa at sa wakas ay payagan ako... binantayan ko siyang matulog at pag na aalimpungatan siya eh nagpapaalam ako ulet..o kaya naman tinititigan ko paawa effect ang aking mga mata..hehe...kaya ayun nung 3:30 pinayagan din ako at 4 umalis na kami ng bahay...nagkita kami sa 7eleven ni jm at lumipat ng chowking...dun aking natagpuan si albin...tas dumating na si donna..at sumunod naman si jm..at kasama niya sila jp,,bryan,,reinier,,bo...nga pala kasama ko c tin-tin..chaperon ko...hehe.....

ayan biyahe na...usap usap kami ni donna..kc magkatabi kami sa likod kasama si tin-tin..at mejo nagdaldalan na kami..kahit first time lang namin nagkita... nga pala si donna gf ni jm...taga ust cya at swimming team cya ng commerce..teamate nya si keziah..asteeg...ayun..tapos pangalaw siya..parehos kaming 2nd child...di ko lng alam kung meron din cyang second child syndrome..tas ung kapatid niya epileptic tas may adhd...pero sobrang nakakatuwa daw at mahal na mahal nila ang bunso nilang iyon...marunong naman daw cyang magfirst aid pagmangyari na atakihin si bunso.. nakalimutan ko na ung pangalan...tas december ang kanyang birthday...bale mas matanda cya sakin ng 2 buwan...ayun hanggang sa nakatulog at pagising ko eh mejo naliligaw-ligaw pa kami pero after 5 mins nakita na rin namin ang crystal beach...dumating kami dun ng mga 8-9am..ang ganda nung place..malinis..di nakakadire...tas ang ganda din ng nakuha naming tutulugan..open cya...pero ang saya dahil malaki at ang sarap matulog..presko...tas aun...ayos2 ng gamit..at nagsimula na kaming magbeach...ngskimboarding si jm at albin..nagpakitang gilas...at sumunod ang aking kapatid..ngunit indi ko matry dahil takot pa ako at nahihiya-hiya pa ng unti...pero habang tumatagal eh naiinggit na ako...kaya sinubukan ko na rin..ang hirap di ko makuha ung teknik...pero mejo nagagawa ko na...tas dumating si donna...at ang galing..nakuha niya kaagad...kaya sabi ko sa aking sarili kung kaya niya kaya ko rin..kaya aun..praktis up to sawa..hanggang sa umalis na sila para mamalengke at naiwan kami ni tin-tin..kaya todo praktis..mejo nakakaride na ako..pero needs a lot of improvement...tas un..kainan na...ang sarap lichong manok ang ulam at tahong...ang dami..sulet..busog...tas tulugan...tas beach ulet...tas dumating na si mommy marice..mommy tawag sakanya dahil parang si jam sa pbb siya ay single mom din...nagkakwentuhan kami at aking nalaman na cya ay nagaaral sa mcu ng pt at pupuntahan niya ako sa fatima...tas un...cya nagluto at si albin ng pagkain..ang sarap..tinde sinigang at lichong manok....sarap nung sinigang...tas nung gabi inuman session...unang bumigay eh si jm...natulog...knockout..kaya pinagtripan namin... nilagyan ni albin ng mousse ung kamay niya tas kinikiliti ung ilong niya kaya ayun...cya ang naglagay ng mouse sa sarili niyang muka...pati na rin ung cheek tint siya ung nagkalat sa mukha niya...sobrang laff trip...tast tulugan na..pagising kumain ng sandamakmak na pancit...tas beach ulet..at kinuwento ni mommy marice na tulad ko tuwang tuwa cya sa apat na kabarkada ni jm...at muka daw silang teletubbies..kaya aun...sila na ngaun ang 'teletubbies' na dating 'big brothers'..laff trip talaga pag naghiritan na sila..binaun namin si reinier funny hirap na hirap makatayo...tas skimboarding ulet...tas lunch na..ang sarap ng menu... inihaw na tilapia at liempo,, sinigang,, at ung pork steak ni albin,,at ung 'mommy salad'...tas swim ulet..nakakilala si albin ng 3 girls na mga mountaineers..si diana,,romer at audrey..at naglaro na kami ng 'football frisbee' team8 ko si diana,,albin,,bryan tas kalaban namin sila jm,,donna,,mommy,,reinier..funny nga eh...na near death si donna..pano tumalon cya upang salohin ung disk aba tablahin ba daw ni bryan..ayun tumalbog si donna..kala niya katapusan na niya,,,lumipad siya nun...tas un..uwian na...hehe..ang saya..sana maulet mule...
nga pala ang guapo ni albin...crush ko na cya...di na si jm....

ang saya nilang panoorin...si jm at donna..hindi sila mushy at pda...parang magbestfriend lng na sweet...basta gusto ko ganun din kami ng magiging bf ko..sana si albin na un..hehe....aun...hanggang sa muli..

2006-05-15T01:14:00.000-07:00

hmm...i miss jm...kahit may girlfriend na cya i still miss him..cyempre crush ko pa rin un...kaso binabawasan ko na..i don't want to come between them...eepal pa ba ako..eh mukhang nagmamahalan sila ng sobra...haaay....ala lng..

2006-05-15T00:52:00.000-07:00

well...everyday i'm starting to accept the fact that you don't care at all..actually i'm starting to not care bout you..why care for somebody who doesn't give a damn bout me right? i hate you!!! nyaha!! i think i need to stop hating you..it makes my world gloomy..i don't like it when i hate.....

2006-05-14T09:15:00.000-07:00

HATE and LOVE

i hate you!! i loathe you!!! i despise you!!! how dare you act like you care?! how dare you make me feel that i do matter to you!?!?! i never knew how shallow and egotistic you are till now...i'm tired of your empty promises,, your lies and your lame excuses!!! i hate you!!! i hate you!!! i never felt so much hate in my entire 19 years of existence...how dare you!!!!!!argh!!!! i hate your freaking guts!!! argh!! have you really forgotten how special i was to you? or how much you've loved me?!?! well guess not...cos you're so busy with your new object of affection!! how dare you!! do you remember the time we talked about our issues?! that night you asked for a second chance to be friends with me and soon be best of friends..? well too bad for me i was foolish enough to believe that you were sincere... but what did you do?! you just proved to me how worthless i am to you!!! i hate you!!! and to think that you told me that you insulted and disrespect me because you still have feelings for me?!?!?! how lame could that be?!?!?!?! honestly you didn't really explained yourself.. all you did was say "i dont know" and "i'm sorry" damn you!!! why do you keep on feeding me with your bullshit?! i hate you!!! argh!!! but you know what with all these hate it only shows how much i have loved you to hurt me this much... you've cut me really deep jheng...you did!! how inhumane is that?! i can't believe you've fooled me for so many times that you've made me hate you..but most of all made me hate myself for falling for the same shit again and again... i hate it!!! but you know what i've been doing?! i've been waiting for you to come to me...i've been waiting for the day that you'll realize that i do matter to you..that at some point i am important and that you can't stand us being enemies.. i'm waiting for the day where you'd really make an effort for us to be friends again..i've been waiting for the day that you'll realize how much you've hurt me... but then i again maybe i'm just waiting in vain...cos you're such an egotistic,,self-centered,,insecure,,shallow b*&^%!!!! i hate you!!!! but then iloveyou...

2006-05-11T11:50:00.000-07:00

FRIENDSTER MESSAGE

nikki wrote:
hi..yayon..nikki hir...
ex ni jheng...she doesn't know that i'm
writing u a message..and i hope we keep
it that way..i just want to ask something so
that i can understand why she's treating
me this way but before anything else may
i know what she's been telling you...cos
we had this big fight and i assume you
know about it..and i'm sorry if ever i had
offended you...you've been so good to
me and i don't want you thinking bad
things about me because of what went on
between jheng and i...anyways is she
really like this to her exes? or is she
giving me a special treatment cos of what
i did...i hope you can keep this as a
secret..cos i don't want her to think that
i'm invading her space or something like
that...i just want to understand her thats
all...and i hope you can help me...thank
you for your time..

yAyOn wrote:
> hey... its bin a wyl huh! nweis, honestly, im not
> keen on whats happened between you two... all we
> heard is that you guys called it quits... we we're
> surprised and disaapointed nga coz we thought
> you're cool and the 2 of you's deoin well the last
> tym we went out... then we learned jheng has a
> new relationship... i thought u guys are okay?
> though not really great considering your past... she
> works in your family's canteen ryt? i don't even
> know d real deal y you guys went separate ways...
> i juz assumed you had a falling out... since almost
> always that's what happens in the kind of situation
> you're in... juz d same whatever's goin on with u
> guys ryt now, you can be rest assured that you
> and me are okay and we can be friends... you
> haven't done anything to offend me... well at least
> nothing i know of... so you don't have to worry
> about offending me or something... i hope you 2
> will still end up as friends... maybe it wasn't meant
> to be more than that... that's y ur in 2 different
> directions ryt now... juz d same i wish you luck... i
> hope you'll find happiness and peace... as i've said
> m not privy to what happened to you peeps and to
> what could be your present problem is but all i can
> assure you jeng's a gud person, maybe a bit
> complicated, but she has a good and a big heart...
> i hope you can understand her even only as a
> friend...tnx! :)

nikki wrote:
ei...i'm glad to hear that we could be
friends...it really means a lot for
me..thank you...actually we broke up
because i got so guilty bout me telling
lies to my parents..she taught me to love
them and she taught me well.....also i
became at some point disloyal to her..cos
i found myself having feelings for this
certain guy and because i want to be
honest with her i told her..and ofcourse
she got mad.i just want to clear things up
i didn't have an affair...we don't even
have a mutual understanding...it was just
me...and so i didn't want our relationship
to go on knowing that i was capable of
having feelings for anybody else but
her..and from the turn of events it led me
to that decision..but then she keeps on
thinking that i did played her...but i didn't
because way before i broke up with her
we were already in troubled waters and
my feelings for her somehow weakened
that's why i was able to feel for somebody
else...but i still love her and she wasn't
able to see that..it's just that it pains me
to know that she replaced me so
easily...knowing that she knows i still love
her...and now i'm trying my best to build
a friendship between us but then she
keeps on pushing me away and treating
me differently...sad...='c

2006-04-26T19:29:00.000-07:00

bogs,,
i miss you so much.. you just don't know how much it pains me.. how much i long for you.. honestly,, ang hirap talaga tanggapin na at such a short time napalitan mo ako.. indi ako galit kay micah or sau.. masakit lng tlaga.. you know very well that once i love a person i wouldn't be able to stop loving.. ang hirap lng talaga kc nagpauto ako sa mga sinabi mo dati..ang tanga2 ko kc naniwala ako dun sa mga cnbi mo.. di ko naisip na during that time mahal mo pa pla ako nun and at that time you were in pain.. ang tanga2 ko tlaga... naniwala ako dun kaya etoh ako ngaun... hirap na hirap.. bkit kc ang tanga ko.. kc naman eh..lamu namang uto-uto ako..tas nagbitaw ka pa ng mga salitang ganun.. it keeps on ringing in my ear "ikaw na ang last,,kung magkakaroon man ako,,indi ako makapagmamahal ulit ng higit pa sau.." bakit kc ang aga.. bakit ang bilis? cguro nga mas madaling makamove-on pagmay kapalit.. i thought i was different.. indi pala.. tama ka..im no different from your exes..indi dahil sa cnsbi mo na niloko kta pro im no different kc ganun mo lng din ako kaagad napalitan.. ang hirap tanggapin..sobra..ang hirap talaga.. parang ang feeling tuloy indi mo ako minahal..naisip ko maybe you're just in love with the feeling of being in love.. maybe u just needed someone to own u,, and someone you own.. or maybe not.. i don't know.. right now ang dami kong sama ng loob sau... pero i can't get mad at you.. and i don't know why.. isang beses lng ktang pinagsalitaan ng mura at un ay nung cnbi kong "taenamo,, taeka,, kapal ng mukha mo!" un lng...may mga times na i say "putangina" (which i immediately say sorry for)pero i never said "putanginamo" which by the way i hear from you everytime we have an arguement.. you know what my biggest mistake is? it's the time that i let you disrespect me the way you did.. i learned things the hard way.. according to bo sanchez "you teach people how to treat you" and yes because i tried to understand that you were able to curse just like that because during those time you were really mad and you lost your temper.. but you know that's no excuse for you to step on me like that.. kat,,ays,,kai,,ia,,ma-in was right i shouldn't hve tolerated that.. and according to my dad "i'm going to be a doctor someday, and i should put value to myself" and i realized i didn't put enough value to myself cos i let you treat me that way.. maybe i was blinded by stupid love.. argh philocrap.. and now you act like everything was long forgotten.. ang yabang ng dating mo sa totoo lang.. how dare you set us aside.. i know you bogs you're the kind of person that if you want something done you'll really find a way to get it.. i don't buy any of your excuses.. yes i know your busy but i also know that you can find the time if you really want to.. i know..cos that's something that i love bout you.. that's why it pains me that a month has passed and still haven't had the time for our barkada to talk.. oo makulet ako...makulet talaga ako.. dba..san ka nakakita ng ako na nga ung sobrang nasaktan mo ako pa ang naglilimos ng oras mo para ikaw ay mapatawad ko.. san ka pa dba?! porke may new circle of friends ka na at may micah ka na akala mo na kung sino ka na.. sa totoo lang ang dami mo talagang kasalanan sa akin..and damned!! ngaun ko lng lahat napansin..kc i was so blinded when i was still so inlove with you.. i keep on understanding you and giving you the benefit of the doubt.. you made me feel that everything is my fault.. you talk to me like you're so perfect.. how dare you project your own flaws to me.. you keep on telling me that i am a close-minded person..? helo?! wala pa akong kaibigang nakakapagsabi niyan..o kahit kaaway ko... i know myself... to think na sinabi mo pa na you know me better than my friends...grabe... that's the stupidest thing you've said... if you're going to open your mind you'll see that you are in fact the one who has a close and shallow mind.. sabihan mo pa ako na ako lng ang gusto kong iniintindi...kindly recall all the things you've done to me... and you'll see that i've been understanding you ever since.. baka ikaw un ang tingin mo sau... lamu meron akong nabasa "how you see others is how you see yourself".. ponder on that.. at helow?!!?! yah i know indi lang ako ang tao sa mundo mo... pero helo i'm not demanding so much from you dba?! isipin mo nlng kung gaano ko tiniis ang mga araw na pinakita mong wala kang pake dahil di ka makagawa ng paraan.. i really don't buy your lame excuses... dahil ang linya mo parati ay "kung gusto may paraan,kung ayaw may dahilan.." sakto.. all you have was excuses.. indi mo ba marealize na ikaw na nga ang nakagawa ng mali kami pa ang lumalapit upang ikaw ay aming mapatawad...san ka pa dba?? haha..nakakatawa tong entry na toh.. i started very calm..ngaun naiinis na ako...naaalala ko kc yung mga sinabi mo sakin eh.. kung lam mo lng..parang crang plaka na paulit-ulit na tumatakbo sa utak ko lahat ng mga masasakit na salitang binitawan mo.. alam mo naman cguro na the tongue is sharper than the sword,, do you know why? maybe you don't so i'm going to tell..it is so because the sword can only wound and make a body of a person bleed but the tongue will pierce through a persons heart and comes out through the soul... pero lamu i don't know why i still want to keep you..it's stupid i know..ganun ako magmahal eh..ganun ako.. oo lam ko according to you indi "NORMAL" ang relationship natin..kc i'm not like the teeny-bopper immature girlfriends na selosa na wala sa lugar; na indi ka binibigyan ng free will; na basta napaka immature..i'm not saying na sobrang mature na ako...lam ko marami pa akong dapat matutunan pero ung ganung klaseng relationship is just plain immature..

2006-04-18T06:18:00.000-07:00

hmm..what did i do for the past few days? hmm..una nag paperm ako...at wavvy lang nung una..kaso parang nagtapon lang ako ng pera kc it didn't make any difference...parang wala lng...kaya nagpareturn job ako...kanina lang kasama ko c kat(bestie) si ate pau..at si ia...yeyey ang saya dba....at etoh super curly na niya..hehe..di ko lam kung maganda sya or kung ano man...basta ang masasabi ko nakakapanibago...euin..tas pinanood ko ulet ang ice age this time kasama si ross at liz...at euin...laff trip pa rin kaming 3...ang saya nga eh..miss you guys!!! euin..sabog kaming lahat...hehe...euin lang...sana okei lng nakulot ako...for toot hehe..

2006-04-08T03:53:00.000-07:00

OUCH!!!
ayan..after seeing donna and jm's friendster..nasaktan ko na ang aking sarili upang sa wakas ay itigil na ang kahibangang ito...
nakakahiyang isipin na minsan nga ay pinangarap ko ang isang katulad niya...
masaya na silang dalawa at ayaw kong masira iyon...as if naman magagawa ko..
kaya ayan...gudbye jm..isa ka na lamang wala lng sa buhay ko...salamat...

2006-04-08T00:57:00.001-07:00

huwaah!! am i becoming desperate?!
sabi ni liza i should stop this foolishness..
and yes i know she's so right...kahit ako gusto ko na rin...
kaya ngaun...cge..i'll stop...pipigilan ko na ang aking sarili..
i need to learn to control my emotions...i need to control myself...
but it really is so hard for me...kaya aking mga kaibigan ako ay nananawagan na ako ay inyong tulungan...HELP!!!!

2006-04-08T00:57:00.000-07:00

SELF-CONTROL..
help!! i badly need self-control! where can i buy?! can somebody pls tell me..
argh!! bakit ba kci ganito ako ma-inlove..too much effort..hmm kaya mas madali pggirls ang crush ko..di masyadong nakakahiyang mgbigay ng effort.. ngayon i'm so inlove with a guy...kay jm...and i can't help myself...tinawagan ko cya last night just to hear his voice..tas asked him if his going to pasig on monday..cos i'm going to learn how to cook his favorite dish which is kare-kare...then i'm going to give it to him..hehe..ala lng...papansin ko tlaga...argh!! i am so cheap...asar...grrr.... bakit kci ang unfair ng mundo...pag ang guy ang nagkagusto ang dali dali lng magpakita pero paggurls na..wala ng magawa kung hindi maghintay sa wala....argh!!!!

2006-04-08T00:51:00.000-07:00

WICKED SISTER!!!

argh!!! why does she have to be so irritating..
hello?! argh!!! i'm not doing anything to her..i just ate my brother's kisses
na hiningi ko at naka apat lng ako samantalang cya more than five ata..tas sasabihan niya ako ng kupal!!! taeka!!! taeka talaga!!! if you're so bored with your own world don't mess up other people's day just to entertain yourself,, frigid bitch!!!
wala naman akong ginagawa seio ganyan ka na mangtrato!!! i am so hating you right now!!! argh!!!!

2006-03-28T00:42:00.000-08:00

BAKIT?!

taena!!!

taeka!!

why do u have to say such sweet words?

why do i have to hear it from you?

don't you know? that damn it pains me so..

how can you even sleep at night?

knowing that you're breaking my heart?

how i wish i never heard such foolish words...

how can you look straight into my eyes and tell such lies?

here i am again hanging..

waiting...

thinking..

hurting...

how can you ever see that deep inside this girl you're looking at longs to be loved..to be loved by you..

2006-03-27T01:16:00.000-08:00

huwwaaaah!!!
indi ko na nakayanan aking tinawagan..oo tinawagan ko cya...nyaha!! ang cute talaga ng boses nya...euin lang..tae!!!taenamo!!!!

2006-03-09T02:12:00.000-08:00

yes!!!indi pala pinapamigay ni jm number ko...ung alvin na ngtxt saking eh iba pla sa alvin na cnsbi ni jm..kci friend pala cya ni ron...ung bading kong frnd..
wala lng euin lang..tas kahapon tinanong ni james ung number ko..crush ko naman un sa fatima...un lng..may bago nga pala akong crush si jp...

2006-03-05T05:55:00.000-08:00

ow no!!!! here i go again...march 3 birthday ni hershey and i did remember her bday...ang problema indi ko cya nabati...kci naman everytime na iniisip ko na babatiin ko cya indi ko magawa kci sobrang busy talaga hanngang sa nawala na totally sa isip ko...huwwaaah!!!

2006-02-28T05:04:00.000-08:00

argh!!!!
kakainis si jm..i think he's giving my number away...how did i know..?
well it was a saturday night i was with my mom when somebody texted me...
he introduced himself as alvin...i asked him who he was and i can't seem to remember anyone by that name...and he told me that he just went guessing numbers cos he was bored to death...so he asked me if we could be friends...well for me there's nothing wrong with that..kci indi naman cya ung jologs na "pwede ka bang textmate?" then we went on the goodnyts..the next day feb26 i called jm to ask if he went to zambales...and guess what...he did go to zambales...and so he asked me why i wasn't able to go...and i explained that i can't go without my friends..and ia wasn't allowed to go and so did bern...then i told him that i'm planning to go to montalban and then he told me "tama,,turuan ka ni alvin...one on one kau..".......argh!!!!

2006-02-19T23:32:00.000-08:00

to all those who know or knew me..just want you to all know that i'm starting a new life...
for starters:
my new favorite color is no longer red and black...but green,,pink and brown...
my interests now are: notebook,, climbing gears and apparelle..
i have the hots for climbers and nature lovers...
i just love them...
people who aren't adventurous bore me...
i'm into reggea music right now..
but still loves opm...
also me and bogs broke up,,
that was on Jan 6, 2006..
so we lasted for about a year and 34 days...
i don't regret anything about us cos everything was worth it..
she changed and touched my life so much and so did i to her life...
the reason for the break up was because i can't tell another lie to my parents... she teached me how to love them and respect them so much that i get so quilty everytime i lie...and the second was that i became disloyal at some point,,because i have this really deep crush...and his name is jm..it was like God was telling me that my mission was done.. that we are now going to the next level of love...we're now bestfriends...so now i have four bestfriends,,, bestie,,beski,,besmi,,,and bogs...i love them all...and i'm so lucky to have them...